The New Years’ relationship resolution that comes first

One of the biggest resolutions of the New Year is to find love again before this time next year.

First love

In making resolutions, as in books, music and the movies, medieval ideals of romance still influence the quest for contemporary relationships. And before you’re eligible to love, or be loved happily ever after, you’re somehow expected to be perfect yourself!

Romantic love is an attachment to projected fantasies based on outdated needs, but real love is different. Real love accepts that our object of desire is a human being and therefore just as fallible and vulnerable as we are.

Navigational Tips For Living In An Imperfect World,
Charles Bentley PhD and Marian Edmunds, 2012.

But first comes the relationship with the self.

There is no challenge, internal or external, that can’t be successfully navigated by someone who has an integrated understanding of, and relationship with, his or her authentic self.

Navigational Tips For Living In An Imperfect World,
Charles Bentley PhD and Marian Edmunds, 2012.

Should we put the relationship with the self on our list of resolutions?
All the best for the New Year, and for a joyful year of discovery in 2013.
We’re all right as we are, if only we knew it!

Our book may be found in print and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon UK.

Expectation of perfection undoes New Years’ resolutions

Why perfect?

Who’s perfect?

 This is the biggest week of the year for re-evaluation of the self and resetting our big goals. There’s nothing wrong with aspiring for big goals, and being ambitious for ourselves and our projects but sometimes it’s not the goal but the expectation of perfection that makes it come undone.

One of the main messages of Navigational Tips For Living In An Imperfect World is that you’re all right as you are.  That doesn’t mean  we are not capable of more. The key is to understand our capabilities. If we accept ourselves and develop a deeper understanding of how ourselves and others we are usually capable of achieving much more than we realise. But when we attach the condition of perfection in others, and ourselves, the strains can soon show.

It’s not love itself that’s the problem. It’s when you attach to it the condition of perfection that you find yourself in trouble. You already know, in your heart, that you are not perfect. Yet still you may be expecting others to be perfect, and stop loving them if and when they fail to meet your standards. And in the same way, you fail to love yourself – because you’re not perfect, because you can’t meet a certain standard that you set for yourself.

Navigational Tips For Living In An Imperfect World, Charles Bentley PhD and Marian Edmunds, 2012

All the best for the New Year, and for a joyful year of discovery in 2013.

Rediscover your authentic self.

Our book may be found in print and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon UK.

As you make your resolutions for 2013…

Navigating the New YearAt New Year particularly, we can feel as if we are pushed hard to towards desire to achieve our ‘perfect’ goal by coaches, parents, or figures of authority or by peer pressure. Are these really the goals that will bring fulfilment?

You can say, ‘These are my aims and goals
and I’m going to go hell-for-leather to achieve them.’
This is the unexamined life.
Navigational Tips For Living In An Imperfect World
Charles Bentley PhD and Marian Edmunds, 2012

Loading ourselves up with huge lists of New Year resolutions can be a defence against allowing the surprises of exploring where our authentic natures may take us.

“The real journey of life is not to a far-away place, but a journey back into your authentic self. There you will find a deep understanding of your attitudes and behaviour that are fixed in the past. You will see your yearning for perfection for what it is, and that you perceive the world differently according to your present mood.
Through acceptance of your mortality and the discovery of the joy of living in the moment, and by re-connecting with your intuition, you’ll tap into a bottomless wellspring of authentic impulses and creativity.

Navigational Tips For Living In An Imperfect World, Charles Bentley PhD and Marian Edmunds, 2012

All the best for the New Year, and for a joyful year of discovery in 2013.

Rediscover your authentic self.
Our book may be found in print and Kindle on Amazon.com and Amazon UK.