Seeing the good in ourselves

Is this my good side?

Drawing : Roger Beale

WE OFTEN FOCUS so much on one or two aspects of our personalities or physical being that we no longer see our whole selves. Instead, we see a distorted image in which the qualities or features we don’t like about ourselves dominate.
Really? Can’t they see all the things I want to hide? Don’t they see that I could lose some weight? That my hair’s not right? Don’t they see my big feet?
Quite possibly. However, those things you see as wrong about you are just a part of you, and probably not seen as wrong by others. We may see a monster where others simply see a person. Besides, they are more likely to be pre-occupied by what they feel about themselves!
Of course, you may be able to improve or better maintain the parts of yourself you’re not satisfied with through education or training. If you are overweight or unfit, you may be able to exercise or change your diet to improve your fitness and well-being. But even when you do that, you’ll still be the same person. You’ll simply be a fitter, or slimmer, version of yourself. That may make you feel better, more mobile, and able to wear a smaller clothes size, and perhaps feel happier. But all of that is only a part of what makes up you as a person.

You need to look at yourself in a different way. If you can see yourself as the whole person you will see more clearly what role you are playing in events. You will understand very clearly what you are doing, and what you need to do next. It means that you are taking charge of your own feelings and actions. And you won’t be laying blame on others for how you are. It is not until we accept and understand ourselves that we can hope to accept and love others.

But how?

An excerpt from Navigational Tips For Living In An Imperfect World by Charles Bentley PhD and Marian Edmunds

The New Years’ relationship resolution that comes first

One of the biggest resolutions of the New Year is to find love again before this time next year.

First love

In making resolutions, as in books, music and the movies, medieval ideals of romance still influence the quest for contemporary relationships. And before you’re eligible to love, or be loved happily ever after, you’re somehow expected to be perfect yourself!

Romantic love is an attachment to projected fantasies based on outdated needs, but real love is different. Real love accepts that our object of desire is a human being and therefore just as fallible and vulnerable as we are.

Navigational Tips For Living In An Imperfect World,
Charles Bentley PhD and Marian Edmunds, 2012.

But first comes the relationship with the self.

There is no challenge, internal or external, that can’t be successfully navigated by someone who has an integrated understanding of, and relationship with, his or her authentic self.

Navigational Tips For Living In An Imperfect World,
Charles Bentley PhD and Marian Edmunds, 2012.

Should we put the relationship with the self on our list of resolutions?
All the best for the New Year, and for a joyful year of discovery in 2013.
We’re all right as we are, if only we knew it!

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